A TRIP TO AJANTA - MY DAIRY IN 1980 - THE ONLY TRIP BY APPA-AMMA-WE FOUR

Mr. G. Srirama Rao and family

A TRIP TO AJANTA

5^TH January, 1980

AJANTA

These caves are about 70 km from Aurangabad.  We reached there in 3 hrs time in a coach engaged specially for us and another French family with Rs. 30 per head.

View from the View Point:

This was the point from where the caves were discovered first.  A britisher, in 1819, came hunting a tiger and spotted the 10^th cave and reported ti the then Nawab Nizam shahi.  This Nawab took action and dug them out.

All the caves are in a valley, surrounded by big mountains.  They are in U-shape, starting with the first cave to the last.  The water surrounds the caves, under the mountains.  Sun is not shone there due to the low depth of the caves.

History:

9-11; 13, 15, 16 are the caves first discovered.  The other caves were discovered later.  In these caves aintings as well as excavated sculpture are found.  All the paintings and sculpture are of Buddhist culture.  The excavations were of both Mahayana and Hinayana cults.  In Mahayana sculptures Buddha, the idol, was installed.  And in Hinayana they did not believe in idol worship.

All the caves were divided as Viharas and Chityas.  A Vihara is a cave in which the room is a rectangle or a square structure with a flat roof.  A Chitya is a cave in which the room is of dome shape, with stone excavations curved like the bamboo (doolam).  The Buddha idol is installed in the middle of a Stupa with a pedestrel, Basement and Shilpa in the form of unbrellas called as Chatra.  In Hinayana cult same stupa without an idol in it.

Only Viharas have paintings in them.  And Chityas contain all excavations.  The paintings are of mainly red, blue and green colours.  Blue was the only colour prepared from CaSO4 and the others from naturally occurring minerals.  Their origin is not yet known.  They are so ‘fast’ that they exist after so many years too.  The caves are expected ti be if between 2^nd – 10^th centuries.

The excavation was always carried out from the top of the mountain to the bottom.  All idols were also excavated from top to bottom.  This can be easily conferred by observing some of the incomplete idols on the walls of the cave, in and out also.  The mountainitself was cut out from top to bottom.  The outer pillars of the caves were excavated first to let enter the Sun light.  This shows that the sculptor must have had the idea of the future cave with full of idols in their fixed positions in his mind like a map on the globe.  All the sculptures show a similar type of symmetry, showing the accuracy with which the sculptor had produced his genius.

By seeing the accuracy we can say that these caves might have been carved after Ellora caves.  Because, in some of the Ellora caves, we observe unsymmetry.  On the mountain rock two layers of plaster was pasted.  On the second layer of plaster the paintings are done.  This can be easily detected because most of the paintings have been spoilt.  Very few paintings can be noted fully with full size images.  The plaster is in brown colour.  Still the nature of plaster and the colours is not known. 

The route to the caves reminds of the trip to Tirupati, the bus going in curves round the mountains.  But instead, here, the bus goes you down the hill leading to valley.

ALL THE CAVES:

CAVE I:

It is a Vihara.  It is very dark.  The paintings and excavations were shown with the help of a fled-light.

The first painting was King Mana Janak seated on the thrown.  He ruled foor 7 years and became an aesthetic.  In the same sequence his wife, who became a dancer to divert his intension, was painted.  The Kind was seated near the preiest with a serene expression on his face.  When he left the palace, near the gate hiswife is shown with a dejected face.

The next painting showed Lord Buddha taking bath in his palace.  He had curly haits.  His attendants holding pitchers were shown pouring water on him.  Three devotees who were trying to touch the water bathed by Buddha.

The 3^rd painting showed Bodisatva Padmapani, i.e., emerging Buddha.  Padma is shown in his hand.  Eye brows have been painted in one stroke. 

The excavation was Darma Chakra Parivartana Mudra of Buddha.  In this sculpture 3 moods were shown.  From front in the face the mood of meditation would be observed.  From left it would seem that the Buddha s smiling at you  from right it is evident that Buddha is sad due to the poverty of humanity.

The painting of (last) Bodisattava Vagra Pani.  He is supposted to save humanity from evil passions.  Vagra is shown in one of his hands.

On the ceiling many types of vegetation was shown.  Painting of a bull, who looks at you from any corner.  The painting was white and black.

The pillars were rounded on the top.  On each pillars is a head of a deer with four bodies.  But from corners we can observe 4 deers.

CAVE II

This is also a Vihara.  The first painting showed birth of Buddha.  In Tushita Heaven – a savour was needed to the humanity.  Buddha seated with his followers.  All selected Kind Suddhodana as hs future father.  King Suddhodana has a dream about having a son.  Queen Mahamaya gave birth to a son with 16 marks on his body.  He was born in Lumbini garden situated between India and Nepal.

The 2^nd painting showed a lady bending on the legs of the King.  She was naked.  It looked as if she was asking for forgiveness.  There is a story as follows:  a King went into a forest with a dancer and was enjoying her company.  But without his knowledge, the dancer went and heard the preaching’s of Lord Buddha.  When she went back the King was angry.  Due to his fury the dancer bends on his feet and asks for mercy.

The excavations of devatas Hariti and Jambala.  She was supposed to be the goddess of fertility.  She had 500 children.  But she used to snatch away others children.  So Buddha wanted to teach her a lesson.  He took away one of her sons.  She was angry and came to Buddha with fury.  But explained her how the others would have felt with their children taken away.  She understood and stopped snatching away children.

Multiple paintings of Buddha on a side wall.  King Pashanjit questioned him about his super humanity.  To tell him about his superiority Buddha showed himself in different ways to the King.  All the paintings show different moods of Buddha.

An excavation of Buddha with Dharma Chakra Parivartana Mudra.

The next excavations was of Gods of Wealth-Shankalidi and Padmalidi.  They were shown with big tummys, which was the sign of wealth.  On the roof the painting of swams shows a beautiful symmetry.

CAVE IX

It is a Chaitya.  It was a place of worship for HInayana’s.  Smaller room.

CAVE X

Bigger room.  A Chaitya.  The Stupa was without an idol.

CAVE XVI

A painting of Buddha’s brother Nanda (cousin).  Buddha asked Nanda to leave Luxurious life but was refused.  Then he shaved away Nanda’s head and sent his crown to his wife.  Another painting shows the crown was brought to the princess and she on the verge of dying with all the sorrow on her face.

A sculpture of Buddha excavated in preaching posture.

A painting of preaching Buddha with all his attendants surrounding  him.

In between two pillars a love-making couple was excavated.  On the pillas on all the sides four ganas or devotees were shown carrying, as if, the caves on their bodies.

CAVE XIX

It is a Chaitya.  Mahayana stupa with Buddha installed in it.  The pillars had been sculptured with flying couple on them.

CAVE XXIV

Incomplete cave.  Rocks were left unfinished.  The ddor was sculptured with love-making couple.  It looks, as if, they wanted to excavate many postures of devotees kneeling before Lord Buddha.

CAVE XXVI

Buddha sleeping (excavation).  He left the workd.  Underneath are excavated the sculptures of mounging people.  Deities on the top rejoicing for Buddha’s entry into their world.  Buddha was meditating.  Mara’s 7 daughters were excavated around him, who were trying to divert away his attention.

In the middle was Buddha in his preaching posture.  Many apsarasas were excavated around the basement.  The smallest excavation of Buddha was on the turban of the devata.  Devata’s were also excavated alternating with apsarasas.

In between many caves were left due to research and damage work.  Hence, were closed.  But on some walls of the outer caves many half and unfinished excavations were present.

After having lunch in the garden we all returned back to Aurangabad.  Thus ending the trip happily.  But on all it was a wonderful trip.

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WHY AM I CHOSEN TO GET “MANAGED-OUT” IN COMPANIES?

AM I TO BE BLAMED!! OR THE SYSTEM!! I AM THE SAME, IN FACT, LIKE ALL SAID, I TRIED NOT TO REPEAT AND TRIED TO LEARN FROM MY FAILURE EACH TIME I NEEDED TO, THEN?
 WHAT WENT WRONG?
 IS IT TO BE FELT ASHAMED OR ANALYSE TO SEE?
 IS IT BECAUSE I AM AN EDUCATED WOMAN, DOING THINGS HONESTLY, SINCERELY WITH HARD WORK, HAVING PRINCIPLES; IMPLEMENTING REGULATORY SYSTEMS!! 
OR I AM NOT “FITTING INTO THE RAT-RACE SYSTEM” AS THEY ALL PUT IT
 I AM NOT ONE AMONGST THEM, I AM BEHAVING “INDEPENDENT” AND DOESN'T GO AHEAD WITH THEM FOR ALL THOSE “WRONG PRACTICES” THEY FOLLOW!!, I DON'T SIGN THE “NON-SYSTEM” RELATED MATERIAL!! 
SO I AM PUNISHED BY “MANAGING OUT”? I DON’T KNOW!!
BUT I HEARD THAT IT IS A PROBLEM IF YOU KNOW MORE!! ALSO IF YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING!! EITHER WAY YOU DON'T FIT-IN TO THE SYSTEM!! YOU ARE ELIMINATED!!

Before taking up officially some technical jobs in industry:

During my education I must have earned reasonably good amount of money (1983 to 2000) as a researcher for sustenance. Iranian local currency, some other fellowship amounts as research associate and as a teaching faculty at Pune university for a short while.

Let us just take the case of each company individually and see the nature of the company, the way the head of that company took it forward, how was i managed out.

NATURE OF COMPANY:

Company 1:   (Sep 2000 to Dec 2003): The boss is a self-made man – a person to whom I still hold in very high regard for his achievements and good nature - Very quick, understanding, spots talent in a jiffy, attracts them and gives employment immediately with a good pay and heart.  Encourages them to show their talent, hears their words, encourages independence.  Then after he thinks he has used all your skills in the next 3-4 yrs he will ‘manage you out’ (I didn’t know this word then.  Also he was very well known for this it seems, someone known to us and close to him in his older company told us after I came out) of the company, because he doesnot want to pay you more or promote you to higher position, because you are independent, innovative and talented.  I was young, bubbling with energy to do work, very naïve and did not know the ways of the world, it was my first job, I was ‘pure’ hearted with enthusiasm to work and did not know the ‘office politics’; ‘using people’; ‘use them as doormates’ etc.  Unaware of all this I was a ‘victim’ of the ‘so called created system’.  As per professional behavior or MNC behavior they will need to give the opportunity for ‘growth’, which they don’t do in this kind of private family set-up.
Company 2:   (Jun 2004- May 2005):  Head is a National Young Scientist for discovering something and was funded by foreign collaborators.  He does not trust anyone. He sees everyone suspiciously.  Does not want you to know anything about his work, while taking FTIR peaks, I said these must be –CO peaks, these due to –NH2 etc when he asked.  He thought I know what that compound is.  I said they are due to functional groups and are common, you can predict a compound by seeing these peaks due to functional groups.  But you need more data to conclude the compound.  He saw that I was intelligent and would probably understand his work, he said go home and sit, I will call you.  He sent me 3 months salary just by making me sit at home (I should be available ready, he may call anytime of the day was the instruction.  I must not take outside calls also.  He said keep reading some scientific books).  I should have sat like that only, sometimes I feel, now.  Instead I said I cannot take money without doing any work.  So I refused to continue to work with him.  He called again and spoke to me after ten years, this means, he acknowledged my independence and self-respect. 

Company 3: (Nov 2006 to Nov 2010):  This is where I worked the most of my time with some dignity.  I was invited and taken by MD and he treated me well, definitely better than anyone else till now.  His nephew took over the company and that spoilt everything.  I should have handled it better.  I wanted that they pay me more salary, I would leave my college job (June 2006 to May 2012, did not work in Jun 2009-Jun 2010) and come. A dialogue before doing it would have done better.  I simply assumed from earlier talk and continued and so they paid less than I expected, while they paid much more to a junior.  I walked away thinking I got a good job.  Alas! This was my error. 

Company 4:   (Dec 2010):  I was there for one month only.  The man is ‘mad’ and dangerous.  He put all employees in a jail type of atmosphere and there is no freedom.  All CC-cameras and sound system for him to hear what we talk.  Without any appointment order I went and went through horror the 25 days of the month.  I myself walked out, even after he asked me to come also. 

Company 5:  (Mar 2013-Feb-2014):  Director.  If only I supported him with the chemistry and worked against another senior scientist, by not putting his name in the paper, I think senior scientist played games, when we went to Bangalore for director getting an award, we missed the train and got delayed and went late for his award function.  As we were all not there, he was very angry.  Only the person who took over me remained there, didn’t go with us all entire staff.  Director was angry only with me, all played it together.  He called and said either you resign or I have to ask you to go, so I had to quit, he did not listen to anything I was telling, it was not my fault.  

Company 6:  (April 2014 – Nov 2014):  Fertilizer manufacturing company.   Son is running it.  Established a in-house testing laboratory.  But the father was very possessive and felt I am grabbing his ‘empire’ from his son.  Because son asked me to do some R&D work and so old man thought I am able to get the technology to make the fertilizers, so I may grab the technology away from his son.  Meanwhile got job and so left the place.

Company 7: (Dec 2014 – Apr 2017):   Director was very ambitious to grow using your talent, he did not give any authority, only responsibility.  He would learn from you by observing your style of work, keep you under surveillance 24x7, and grab the situation.  As the authority is with him, he would make you do the work and simply project it as his, if it is positive result.  If it is negative result, he will say she has done it.  He  in fact introduced me to the new India head as, I told you, this is the lady.  So, i don't know, what he told. It was a clear case of "gender harassment", without any proof.  If I say this, my husband only told me, I am imagining things. He replaced all works that i am asked to do, start with some other "woman", who is paid suitably for that. He distributed everything from me to one by one to each one of them and finally said, they are doing know, so what are you doing? Nothing, we don't need you, exactly like in Job No:1.  Just think - what is your cadre, what is your rank, be grateful, he gave you a job, when you didn't have one.  Few smaller jobs to lower rank women, a few higher jobs to those younger women who are paid more than I, purposely, paid much lower.
So without anyone to do the work, alone I had to do a lot of work, almost more than 4-5 people work.  So it was very bad experience.  On the contrary he used all ‘bad practices’ in the name of management.  To take leave you have to hesitate, to talk you have to think, to listen you have to see around, he just dictated works, gave unreasonable targets, he stole all work from you by manipulating people around you, they will have to listen to him as he is paying them or giving leave to them.  He simply ‘managed me out’ by keeping two highly paid men around him to satisfy his ‘ego’ that such high paid, high profile men are reporting to him. 

Company 8:   (Jun 2017 to Jul 2018):  Did everything as if it is my own, as he was very good initially and said nothing can be done without you.  But deceived in all respects – emotionally, personally and professionally, took away everything and said everything is done by him.

Could earn approximately – satisfactory

Dream to earn same as many contemporary friends per month, not fulfilled.

Dream to own my own organization, not fulfilled.

Good family – nice and very good husband, beautiful children.

If I worked as a professor at Univ of Pune from Nov 1996 till I am 60 yrs (Jan 25^th 2020).  I would have earned same as what i earned now, but I wouldn't have had the variety and essence of jobs that i did and NO monotony.

MY OWN NATURE: 

I am very talented, independent, innovative, very quick in execution and implementation of what is told by the management.  Sometimes does not understand what they mean due to being ‘naïve’, innocent, not worldly-wide, ignorant, stubborn? etc.

They may not want me to actually implement, since I don’t understand, I immediately do it to their dismay.  So they decide I am a ‘fool’ or ‘idiot’ maybe.  This I am saying now because my mom told me when she was a child my grandma would say to her, when she returned from playing after school very late, sarcastically “why didn’t you play longer and come”.  Then she would feel so happy that her mom asked her to play longer, she would run and go to play.  Her mom would give her good beating for that.  Is this being ‘ignorant’ ‘foolish’ or ‘idiotic’ I don’t know. May be I am also like that??  Not sure.

I think, as Ram put it, it must be my talk sometimes when I am frustrated, or sometimes unmindful, sometimes sarcastic, sometimes without thinking as Sam says……. My unintentional opposition words against the management – basically criticism, which they heard from someone and did not like it.  I believed and shared my thoughts with someone untrustworthy or they used it for their own gains.  These could be possible.

CIRCUSTANCES AROUND:

Normally, since the companies that I have worked are all ‘one-man ‘ established, they have their own persons at all top positions, so the system is home-made.  They are all one and I am usually ‘used’ like a ‘doormat’.

CONSEQUENCES:

Fire me out or manage me out

TIME OF FIRING?

Always it was unexpected or when I was given ‘leave of absence’ willingly and then upon return asked to go as I have not kept to the policies, rules and regulations of the company.

NATURE OF HUMANS AND THEIR THOUGHT PROCESS:

NATURE OF BOSS:

Very cunning, sweet to talk, but does behind, shows me wrong by actually what he is doing is wrong.  So they will frame situations on me by taking the help from other employee who is my rival. Very unethical, unprincipled, but that is the way of life. They will promote their own people and use you.  Pay you very little, learn from your way of doing things and just throw you out.

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